Looking back at my camp pictures, I am actually lost for words to describe my feelings.
We took a grp pic at the end of our camp.
The camp was on the 27May2004 to 29May2004.
Exactly one year ago. We camped at Pulau Ubin's NPCC campsite.
I truly enjoyed myself thou I didnt know all the people at the camp and am still feeling quite shy.
People there were nice and fun to be with.
Rusydi, Bingzhe, Shalehin, Usama, Nana, everyone.
So fun-loving. So cute. Oh, i just miss them all. Miss all the times that we had during the camp.
Though its tiring but there was never a moment when we were too tired to joke.
One year later, which is now, things are different.
We lost one friend. We seldom have the chance to get together after the Family Day Event due to our busy schedules and all.
But its ok. As long as we spend quality time together, it is just fine.
I miss them all. The time that we spend together, troubling abt the sponsers and stuff.
I think we are all so cute.
So cute.
Good thing is, we are gonna have another gathering @east coast.
Hopefully we can have lots of fun together.
I'm actually anticipating it.
June 18.
I've set my wallpaper to the grp photo we have taken by the jetty.
Its so nice, I think.
how interesting. this 180cm guy took his pic in my phone and i got a shock when i saw that.
i was like, GHOST!
the YANLINGs in the sch unite. ha`
this girl shares the same name as me . she's a cutie.
i like~
have been stressed up because of my chinese paper.
TAKE NOTE: my mom did not pressurise me.
i didnt make a fuss of my paper.
ITS MY TEACHER who kept reminding me that the paper is gonna be hard.
wth`
worse still. my paper is set on monday and i've to come back to sch on TUE.
if you're not aware, after monday is tuesday.
which means i've no rest, or rather, we dont even have a day's rest.
wtf`
wish me luck people.
godblessme.please*
godblessallmybuds*please.
staring into complete darkness of my room.
thinkg, what the hell. why am i feeling so lost?
happily, i started to cry again. it has been going for the past few days, the tears trickling down my cheeks thing. it has become a routine.
boy, what happened to me?
i'm starting to miss the past, when i'm still naive, when i was still optimistic, when none of the unhappy things hit me.
i have no wish to become a pessimist, but thats what my head react to things happeng ard me.
ever since my family got into the fking affair thing, i've been like that.
no good. jiawen always tell me. i dont want it too. i want to be the happy-go-lucky crazy girl.
but i cant.
give me time.
i always say this to myself.
it will go away.
self-consolation, kinda bluffing myself.
dont think too much.
i keep erasing all the thoughts in my head.
you're strong, and you'll get over everything. no matter what.
i remind myself this.
every single event that happens to me affects me deeply.
shutting up doesnt mean attitude.
i just dont want anyone to be affected by my mood.
so please understand.
i'm trying hard to get over this unhappy period.
give me time and i'll forget everything.
yes. i need time, please.
lots of time. lots and lots of time.
thank you for reading.
aint trying to make you sympathise with me.
just that i need to make myself feel better.
me : what?
s.g: you're not wearing your uniform.
(keeps lookg at me)
me: (drinkg my vitasoy and listening to lindsay lohan)
its my camp shirt .
s.g: but your shorts dont have the sembawang logo.
i did not set the rule, i'm just trying to enforce the rule.
me: what the! (sian0.99)
damn*
how can a security guard be so full of himself and rude!
nvm. luckily my teacher came to rescue me. ha`
after that, we went to Partyworld @woodlands to celebrate ah xiang's bday.
and he's wearing the shirt we bought for him.
so happy. =)
ha`
we had lotsa fun, thanks people for being so funny.
esp Mr.Zhuwen, who made a fool of himself. ha`
ok, i got my new bed from Ikea and my room is so messy.
-cant stand it.
ciaos.
ha` its ok lah, but the great part is the makeup.
its so real! and of cos, disgusting.
its fun watching with my 'daddy' . ha`
he's gonna go crazy if he sees this.
anyway, Noozlie, thanks and do well for ya exam. =)
my gd friend told me that someone i regard as my darling said smthing abt me to another girl.
i'm not sure if you understand what i wrote.
as long as i understand, its enough
this short conversation btwn me and my good friend spoilt my mood totally.
i'm so disappointed and upset . the girl actually have to speak up for me.
damn*
whatever* it just hurts.
my new bag~ pao lu bag.
its PUMA ! cool eh?
ok.thats the cover of a free notebook.
people, i hope you'll feel happy for me and my bag. wish us happiness!
here wishing ZHIXIANG a really memorable and sweet HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY.
i just wanna tell you, i've no wish to treat you so coldly. its just that i dont know how to say i dont wanna go out with ya. thats why the cold attitude. sorry, sincerely sorry.
if you read this, i wanna tell you, i did read that message.
i can still listen, if you wanna share, serious.
takecare. =)
haha/ sorry for being a ahma. haha
oks . dont ask me about House of Wax.
why?
its not because the show sucked or what.
cos' i didnt even get to watch it. haha.
why?
cos' the show's NC16.
i'm 16, but that 15-year-old girl, Miss Yanling is not.
so i cant watch House of Wax.
aiyoaiyoaiyo. i told her i'm gonna laugh at her abt her being 15 only.
haha, so embarrassing, the woman selling tix asked for our IC , then after lookg at Yanling's , she said : sorry you cant watch this show.
i was like : walau. i wanna watch leh.
nvmnvmnvm. the kind-hearted me said : ok. nvm.
haha.
so we are loitering ard NP . in the end, i went to BK to consume the YUMMY mushroom swiss burger. . Yummy yummy!
alrights, i still wanna watch House of Wax.
please lemme tag along if you wanna watch too.
ciaos`
P.S. i like Sweet Popcorn. +)
oh! exams are 90% over. and i feel that i'm the happiest person on earth right now. haha.
how nice.
i think i'm gonna flunk my a-maths and chemistry paper.
how great.
what a mess i've made.
aiyaaiyaaiyaaiya.
lalalalalalalalala.
i'm such a weirdo . i dont know why.
aiyoaiyoaiyo.
going for HOUSE OF WAX.
wuHa`
anticipating. . .. . . . .. .
ciaos`
my wonderful mom and sweet sis left me alone at hm and went shopping.
how nice.
i must really thank those starhub freaks, thanks to them, i've no tv to watch.
totally siansified.
haha. what a word!
haiyo. exams over soon.
but theres only twenty plus days to O's chinese paper.
how nice.
feeling the pressure. i think is my own problem lahh.
my mom dont really give me alot of stress lah.
probably becos she knows that studying is no simple task.
studying is ok lah. but the part abt exams is a big NO.
good right my mom. haha. i grow up like that lah. so i nv really study hard.
my happy-go-lucky & heck attitude. not sure if its good, but nvmnvmnvm.
now, i'm all alone at hm. listening to my precious MAYDAY .
ohgoodnessgraciousme* they rockmyworld.
speaking abt rocking my world, can anyone seriously rock my world?
my daily routine - school.daydream.bitch abt.gossip.eat.slp.do assignments if i happy.exams.
anything more fun than that? please* kindly teach me.
bored til have nthing to do and blog crap to a blog that everyone can read.
how idiotic. what a retard?
haha. i'm typing nonsense, or shld i say spouting nonsense?
what nonsense! haha. ok,you might be saying 'this girl siao ah?'
yeah, i'm siao. no choice. grey matter has decomposed.
wahahahahahaha*
reflection truly helps.
honest.
this is the death season, i often feel this way.
death. its so close yet so far away.
i'm actually afraid that when i die, no one will attend my wake.
afraid that no one will cry over my death.
afraid that no one will rmber me when i've gone.
haix.
dont know what to say anymore .
godblessme*
pure boredom.
the feeling sucks when i stare at that damn paper and i cant figure it out.
its funny when people only start cherishing when they lose it.
while others enjoy putting blames on the other party when obviously both parties are involved.
i agree that human errs.
c'mon . if you expect someone to be perfect, please* make sure you. yourself is perfect.
how cool. no one is perfect, you hear someone ranting abt this every other day.
but dont use it as an excuse to make the same mistake over and over again.
i shall try not to. seriously.
i've no idea whats gone wrong in me. probably, my grey matter in my head has decomposed.
i ruined a friendship . but i shall not regret my actions cos' it'll only make me more miserable. i want to say this, i'm seriously sorry. we cant be best pals, but we can still be friends.
i want to speak to you, but sorry, i'm a coward. i've no guts to do it.
why did i ruin this friendship? because i want to save my other friendships with 17 other friends.
ha, what crap?
how touching. probably thats the most beautiful thing in the world, having your
loved ones by your side .
i came across this sentence ' the measure of a good man is the number of the people who take the trouble to show up at his wake.'
this make me think of Mister MSJ, and it reminded me of the situation during his wake.
he's only 15, or rather 16. and many many people were there. i feel happy for him and i hope that he knows that we were all there to send him off, and that we love him. those who were not there loved him too.
i opened my msg inbox and saw Mister KaieLoon's msg, asking us to take care and stuff like that.
hmm. . its been a 2 years, i think, since he left us. i miss miss miss him lots man.
i've no idea how to contact him again cos' i think he changed num, once again. haha.
haix. i truly hope that he'll come back soon.. goodblesshim* no matter where he is.
theres so much problems. i donno why and i cant help.
i feel so helpless. feel so pekchek.
what are friends for? can anyone tell me?
i donno . i seriously dont know. did i do my part as a friend? i donno.
did i cause more trouble instead of help? i donno. so many things. i dont know how am i suppose to help my friends. can anyone tell me how? i look at cindy, i feel guilty.
i look at jiawen and yuting, i'm loss for words. i look at karinda, i've nthing to say to her.
i look at waikit, i feel helpless. i look at everyone, i feel useless.
what exactly is the problem? i dont know. can someone nice and kindhearted knock some sense into me? am i asking for troublE? i try to be like i've no problem and try to be happy and try not to show attitude. i tried. seriously. and i'm tired.
can anyone wake me up?! can anyone slap me? ! can anyone help me?
can anyone love me?
ridiculous girl , you must think . but listen up, i dont give a damn.
i'm writing out all my frustrations and if you're offended, i'm sorry. truly sorry.
if you're here to mock at my friends and i, please get your ass out.
its the labour day public hols today.
nthing special. spent my day with mister waikit.
walkg ard town and searching for a place to mug for exams.
siansiansiansian0.78
kept walking & walking & walking.
first, met the bugger who was late to sell mister kit's bike parts .
went ard to buy my Mama's mother day present. wuHa. my mama liked it lots.
the moment i get home , she chiong out of the room to ask for that black shawl.
and she said: thats my best Mama day present. -_-" which means to say, all the presents i gave her in the past was lousy. siansiansian0.89.
then we meet miss yueying and miss michelle at far east.
after that we saw miss lynn and her gq.
finally, from orchard, we went to cityhall and started muggggging.
didnt do much though, but nvm. =)
nvm. nvm. nvm.
btw, Mister Waikit is my buddy.
thats all. hope that you people enjoyed your labour day hols.
and start mugging for exams soon! !
wah. i'm watching the fiona and jeff that taking pic show.
*drOoling. haha. all those muscularrrrr guys. wahahaha.
dear all, i know its been quite tough for many of us.
this year is terrible, i dont know why and i dont wanna find out.
everyone is unhappy because of some personal + friendship + relationship stuffs .
i'm tired to care so much. really helpless to do anything alrdy. i'm sorry.
but read on,
to cindy - you're my darling. it has been, and its going to be.
dont be unhappy anymore. i'll be there for ya.
to xinyan- i'm sorry that i've been so oblivious. i dont even know that you're unhappy.
sorry. and i'm still there.
to jiawen & yuting - things may not be running smoothly for you girls, but straighten things
out and all will be fine again. i'm still a phone call away.
to laoma - we're always hanging out together but i may not know how you feel. just
lemme know when you're unhappy or upset. i'll be there.
to waikit - you're my bestest guy buddy ever. serious. and i hope you'll still confide in me. i want
to say sorry to you. i'm not sure why. i just want to. I'm Sorry.
to john - i know you for like awhile only. but you're quite nice and i like you as a friend.
work hard together. if you ever need a listening ear or someone to talk to, i'm always
there. nvm abt waking me up in the middle of the night. +)
to karinda- i'm sorry if i ever made you feel isolated.
to tingting - you were never the past.
to yixian - i've no idea what has happened. but don isolate yourself. oks?
to myself- be strong.
to all my friends - i love you people. call me if you ever need someone to talk to.
i promise to keep quiet if you want me to, i promise to cry together with you
if you want. take care. stay cool. =)
to anybody - take care. +)